Well hello again to you dear reader. I am sure you will have been missing out on my holiday blogs. WiFi permitting at our luxury executive Tenerife accommodation I will be able to keep you fully supplied with a plethora of hilarious anecdotes, blogs and suchlike.

Also dear reader you will be thrilled to know that I have extended my film storage space. So more videos should hopefully be forthcoming.

Well. You join me live (well it was at 1140GMT), on board a TUI flight (seat 15D off of emergency exit with all the leg room - yes, I treated myself). I’ve not flown with them before, but if the security announcements are anything to go by I am not sure how often I will be flying with them. “Please do not sleep on the floor or in the aisles” - so they must have had some incidents previously. That said, I am more or less the youngest passenger on board by about 2 decades. I wonder if I will turn in to an older person who spends their entire winter in the sun....? Ooh. Cheese and ham toastie at £176.14, don’t mind if I do.

I’ve left Jordan and the ‘lads’ beavering away on the new roof at Belfry Towers. It should be done by early next week, weather permitting. Given I am not working at the moment I’ve found it a bit stressful being at home - with their constant banging etc. Well - the house is secure, and I also have my bodyguards lined up for the odd drive-by whilst I am away - to make sure no n’er do well’s make off with my trinkets (not that there’s much to speak of). I’ve also left them with the instructions on how to use my lights. When I’m by myself it’s fine - but not sure how the trades-personnel will cope with Alexa’s demands and the automated routines that run every day. Plus he’s also looking at my flat roof with a view to replacing that in the short term too. Apparently that’s on its last legs. And they daren’t stand on it lest they fall through - which I’d rather they didn’t. Nothing says gourmet cuisine like a lump of plaster in your boiled eggs and soldiers.

We’re holidaying at Darren’s aunts timeshare. Same as last year. Weather forecast is looking good enough to be ‘shorts and t-shirts’ with possible Val Doonican diamond patterned sweater-based accessories of an evening. They have a lovely pool area, and I’ve downloaded a number of podcasts, books, films and TV shows to keep myself entertained pool-side. Nothing says common people on holiday like occasional guffawing with ear bobbles in. Hopefully the weather will help shift my flipping cold. At least I know I had this BEFORE getting on the plane. I am pretty much off my tits on paracetamol.

At least this year my journey to the airport wasn’t fraught with snowmageddon as it was last year. I’m not sure with the current roof-stress I’d be that happy reversing my wheels in 6” of snow.

Our flights (mine from Bristol and Darrens from London) arrive with a bit of a gap. Me first. So subject to airport amenities at TFS I will get a cab to our accommodations and take all the wardrobe space rather than skulk around arrivals for two and a half hours being hot and dehydrated. My phone is primed with the address in Spanish. Last year there was a bit of a hoo-haa as I cabbed alone - namely cab almost broke down on the motorway, limping off the exit to the apartment, and the promised card machine wasn’t working - and being a modern type, I rarely carry cash - so had to use all my emergency euro notes to pay him. Grr.

As you know I am not really a political creature but there’s something poignant about being in an EU country whilst we are departing. I shall be convening a small choir and chamber orchestra on our luxury executive balcony to perform Ode To Joy at midnight (CET) alongside the Council of Europe and Union Jack flags. Just so they know!!

Well - I will leave you for now dear reader as the drinks trolley is making its way towards me and I’m gasping for an overpriced beverage.

POST SCRIPT

You now find me safely in the apartment (1700hrs - but bizarrely its the same time as the UK - I thought we were in the future off of Spain?). I managed to get off the plane, through security, find a cab, and get here. Darren will arrive in a couple of hours so I am taking advantage by having the air on on full pelt (its somewhat warmer here than Bristol). And before I have chance to make the apartment look like a tip I took some photos. Treat yourself to a click and a swipe! You’re welcome.