(Actually, pretend it’s Friday, not Sunday - I forgot that I’d not uploaded the blog entry until today)

Darn it. I am on my way home. You currently join me dear reader at 36,000 feet (err hello metric? It’s not like I’m flying in a 50’s style off of Princess Margaret and Dame Joanie). It’s 1800 GMT and I am literally willing the cabin crew to get to seat 15D (me) before the cheese and ham toasties run out. I am literally famished. Famished that is, despite having a massive breakfast at The Ginger Pig - sister bar/kitchen to the Thirsty Turtle at about 11am. Overnight oats (healthy) and pancakes with bacon and maple syrup (not so healthy)

I’m always in a bit of a grump when its home time. But managed to get up for early morning hotel spin sesh in the gym. That’s six days out of seven done! And we had enough coffee remaining to ensure we got our morning cups. I was initially worried we were going to run out, but Starbucks ground coffee has done our little hotel coffee maker (its a percolator thingy) proud.

Then it was packing. Why, oh why, oh why do my clothes swell to ten times their arrival size. And also, and this will come as no surprise - why, oh why, oh why do I bring excessive outfits. Just so they can go back unworn, and a bit more creased having done two legs of the journey in my suitcase. I really must ration myself more in future. It’s not like I am at the Oscars and need 14 outfits to change throughout the evening.

And in daring travel outfit news - I am travelling back to 5 degree Celsius Bristol in shorts. I am literally one of those people. On the plus side to keep me warm when we land I have my ‘jaunty around the shoulder’ v-neck pullover. Think Val Doonican with more stylish spectacles, and a rapidly fading tan.

Whilst I heart Tenerife, talking of rapidly fading tans, I am not sure I would want to be as tanned as some of the British immigrants living there are. Skin akin to a Chesterfield sofa. As it is, I am surprised I haven’t slithered off my plane seat given the amount of moisturiser I am currently sporting in the desperate attempt to maintain tan. It’s literally fading the nearer home I get! Should have got some fake tan in duty free. Grr.

Ooh - speaking of Duty Free - I did pick up some Liquor 43, so I will be able to do homemade Barraquito’s. But as you need condensed milk I will also need to find some recipes to use the leftovers. Hello Banoffee pie! I am not sure I will be as proficient with the layers as the professionals of Adeje are.

Good news. It’s currently circa 1830 and they DID have cheese and ham toasties available on the cart. I kid you not - I have no idea how they take a frozen sandwich cook it at 180 degrees - and it comes out so nice. It’s a taste sensation! I wonder if they do them in the freezer section of my Tiny Tesco….

I was a bit rubbish on this holiday with the pics and vids. I think I peaked too soon. So once I have got the holiday washing done - I will do some sort of curated gallery for your delectation. It’ll be at the end of the blog if I have done it properly!

Holiday blog fans will be THRILLED to know that whilst in Tenerife we were plotting our next jaunt subject to travel restrictions. To the US of A. Following two postponements. All of it is subject to, amongst other things, me getting a new passport as whilst it was fine for this holiday, I won’t have enough available time off of expiry date by the time we go end of June/Beginning of July. I MUST remember to do it sharpish. Ooh - actually - I should get my photo taken whilst I have a tan or at least look a tiny bit healthier than usual. Mind you they’re all fancy and automatic now - so I imagine an option where I can use my old photo if I’ve not changed much….well I did that renewing my driving licence. And I am sure US Customs and Homeland Security wont quibble over some additional grey hair in the last decade! I should check the terms and conditions! At the moment its sort of Boston-ish, New England-ish, Murder, She Wrote-ish, Hamptons-ish and New York-ish. There are some phenomenal looking AirBnB’s - they’re like chocolate box timber houses (note - that’s not NYC!) There I will be particularly excited to go to Mood - they fabric place they go to on Project Runway - as well as do a mini sewing course! Parsons (the big name in sewing and design schools) is just round the corner - I could be spotted and my cushions could become famous. Well - they love a British accent there. And if I try hard I can sound like Hugh Grant. To an American at least…

Last nights dinner was a nice one. A revisit to the steak place - well - I had steak. And the ice cream. Darren had the chicken. And the bill. There was a middle-aged woman chanteuse crooning. Starting off with some Hot Chocolate and going through to Bob Marley via Take That. Quite the eclectic mix. Like my iTunes selection actually - so I shouldn’t be too disparaging.

I am also going to make an effort to do some TripAdvisor reviews when I am home. I do use it whilst on hols - but we were slightly sceptical about some, not necessarily TripAdvisor reviews, perhaps more Google Reviews - as they’re only as good as the person writing them or the genre of customer frequenting the establishment. And if you’re a punter that loves a pint of Stella and fish and chips at 8am whilst getting the best seat to watch the match - I am sure its fine. Just not necessarily for me…. But it skews the algorithm or something, so I am like ‘ooh this sounds like a good place’….until there is further investigation. And images are found online. And suddenly you’re one chicken nugget and shot of tequila away from a massive hen night with inappropriate blow up items.

Well on that note - I think I may have a tiny plane nap so I am refreshed on landing. I will upload this blog as soon as I have managed to get home.

Thank you for joining the holiday journey with me (however sporadic) and I hope I have managed to raise a titter along the way.

Until the USA in the summer…

Holiday Photos

Food

Hotel